If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
