She is in my trunk
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
