you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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