I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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