Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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