in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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