its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
NoShamevember. You game?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
