I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize