I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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