Cold hands, warm shart.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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