I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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