My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my being single is dangerous.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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