First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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