Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
