Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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