in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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