I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize