I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
