Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
