So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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