Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
