well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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