Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i out mim tonsoeep
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