i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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