I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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