I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
