grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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