question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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