Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
