I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
