Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
