Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He uses pillows to masturbate.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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