Im at strip club and am horny
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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