At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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