we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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