I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
