I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
