My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
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Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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