are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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