is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have feelings that need drinking.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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