I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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