Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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