guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I will die if light touches me.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
