i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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