plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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