we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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