I accidentally burped into my bong.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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