I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
