I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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