Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
