Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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