Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
