Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize