good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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