I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
