My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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