I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
