All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
