i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
