I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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