my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
