We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
