She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
