Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just threw up on my dentist
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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