Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You are a genius and a whore.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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