Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!