Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.