If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.