Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
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Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly