i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
should my penis look like a turkey
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
