Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
