oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
