Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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