I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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