the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i think i just lost a toe
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
